Comments on: Understanding the other side http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/ Thoughts On Journalism, Culture, and Life in Abu Dhabi Tue, 01 May 2012 18:57:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Sweet Lou http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/comment-page-1/#comment-604 Sweet Lou Sat, 04 Sep 2010 16:16:25 +0000 http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/#comment-604 Shannon, That is a pretty broad brush you are using to tar the opposition. Do you have a source on your quote of your heartless Republican acquaintance? Because you quoted as if those were exactly his/her words. Either you took that from a written communication, or you have the most accurate audio memory I have ever heard of. Shannon,

That is a pretty broad brush you are using to tar the opposition.

Do you have a source on your quote of your heartless Republican acquaintance? Because you quoted as if those were exactly his/her words. Either you took that from a written communication, or you have the most accurate audio memory I have ever heard of.

]]> By: Matt J. Duffy http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/comment-page-1/#comment-367 Matt J. Duffy Thu, 04 Mar 2010 07:45:00 +0000 http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/#comment-367 Good stuff, Patty. Good stuff, Patty.

]]> By: Patty McIntosh http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/comment-page-1/#comment-366 Patty McIntosh Wed, 03 Mar 2010 22:33:00 +0000 http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/#comment-366 Hi Shannon -- no doubt -- it does sound naive! But I assure you it's not. There might be people who are deeply in the grip of fear or things that are layered on top of a core fear (such as anger, or greed, or anxiety), but they are not evil. Just... mistaken. Sometimes badly mistaken. Sometimes so badly mistaken that they harm others, and we must do what we can to prevent that.But at the same time, we should also avoid confusing the behavior with the totality of the person. I don't know about you, but, I would never want to be judged by my worst acts. ;-) The shame would be unbearable...but that is because I can look back now with more experience and understanding and see where I went astray. Not everyone is at that place yet with the mistakes they've made. Some people won't get there until after they leave this life.20 years as a fundamentalist Christian and RW Republican? Wow -- you must have quite the story -- I'd love to hear it sometime if you feel inclined to share it, and to hear more about where you are now!I would encourage you to be gentle on the self that you were back in those days -- to forgive yourself for what you could not and did not understand at that time because you were not ready for the lesson -- the foundation had not been laid for you yet. Everything happened as it should in its time and you are exactly where you are supposed to be now...and you were exactly where you were supposed to be back then.In being gentle with your former self, you will then be more capable of having compassion for others who are still in that place...who still need to see the world in that context in order to feel safe and comforted by their God and their faith. The beautiful thing is that you don't have to choose. You can accept these folks (and your former self) AND embrace the new way you've found that works better for you at the same time."If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." ~ The Dalai Lama It's really that simple. :-) Hi Shannon — no doubt — it does sound naive! But I assure you it's not. There might be people who are deeply in the grip of fear or things that are layered on top of a core fear (such as anger, or greed, or anxiety), but they are not evil. Just… mistaken. Sometimes badly mistaken. Sometimes so badly mistaken that they harm others, and we must do what we can to prevent that.But at the same time, we should also avoid confusing the behavior with the totality of the person. I don't know about you, but, I would never want to be judged by my worst acts. ;-) The shame would be unbearable…but that is because I can look back now with more experience and understanding and see where I went astray. Not everyone is at that place yet with the mistakes they've made. Some people won't get there until after they leave this life.20 years as a fundamentalist Christian and RW Republican? Wow — you must have quite the story — I'd love to hear it sometime if you feel inclined to share it, and to hear more about where you are now!I would encourage you to be gentle on the self that you were back in those days — to forgive yourself for what you could not and did not understand at that time because you were not ready for the lesson — the foundation had not been laid for you yet. Everything happened as it should in its time and you are exactly where you are supposed to be now…and you were exactly where you were supposed to be back then.In being gentle with your former self, you will then be more capable of having compassion for others who are still in that place…who still need to see the world in that context in order to feel safe and comforted by their God and their faith. The beautiful thing is that you don't have to choose. You can accept these folks (and your former self) AND embrace the new way you've found that works better for you at the same time."If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." ~ The Dalai Lama It's really that simple. :-)

]]> By: Shannon Montgomery http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/comment-page-1/#comment-365 Shannon Montgomery Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:33:00 +0000 http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/#comment-365 That is a beautiful way of looking at the world. Maybe someday I'll get there, but all I can see right now is selfishness. I would say that there are some genuine evil folks in the world--I think it might be naive to think that *everyone* is not our enemy. I would not say that evil people are all Republicans or all Republicans are evil, though. ;)I should note that for more than 20 years of my life, I was a very active fundamentalist Christian and right-wing Republican. Perhaps my attitude could be compared to that of an ex-smoker--nobody is harder on smokers or wants to be around them less than an ex-smoker. That is a beautiful way of looking at the world. Maybe someday I'll get there, but all I can see right now is selfishness. I would say that there are some genuine evil folks in the world–I think it might be naive to think that *everyone* is not our enemy. I would not say that evil people are all Republicans or all Republicans are evil, though. ;) I should note that for more than 20 years of my life, I was a very active fundamentalist Christian and right-wing Republican. Perhaps my attitude could be compared to that of an ex-smoker–nobody is harder on smokers or wants to be around them less than an ex-smoker.

]]> By: Patty McIntosh http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/comment-page-1/#comment-364 Patty McIntosh Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:27:00 +0000 http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/#comment-364 I would encourage you to focus less on the labels "heartless" and "Republican" and more on each person as an individual. They are not your enemy. That which divides us from one another is the only real enemy. So seek out the things you have in common -- the interests and goals you and they share.For example, we all want good health and clean air and drinkable water and a good education for our kids and safe neighborhoods. We may differ on how we prioritize those things and what approaches we might take to achieve those goals, but they are things we almost all universally share as Americans.I find the more I love a particular right-leaning person, the more capable I become of seeing the world through their eyes...and the more capable they become of seeing the world through my eyes.When we stop being afraid of one another and begin building a foundation of respect and trust, that is where real change can begin.So long as we continue to frame them as heartless...as an enemy for whom we have a measure of disregard or contempt, we cannot connect with them, and they will never see US and value what WE think. I would encourage you to focus less on the labels "heartless" and "Republican" and more on each person as an individual. They are not your enemy. That which divides us from one another is the only real enemy. So seek out the things you have in common — the interests and goals you and they share.For example, we all want good health and clean air and drinkable water and a good education for our kids and safe neighborhoods. We may differ on how we prioritize those things and what approaches we might take to achieve those goals, but they are things we almost all universally share as Americans.I find the more I love a particular right-leaning person, the more capable I become of seeing the world through their eyes…and the more capable they become of seeing the world through my eyes.When we stop being afraid of one another and begin building a foundation of respect and trust, that is where real change can begin.So long as we continue to frame them as heartless…as an enemy for whom we have a measure of disregard or contempt, we cannot connect with them, and they will never see US and value what WE think.

]]> By: Shannon Montgomery http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/comment-page-1/#comment-363 Shannon Montgomery Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:21:00 +0000 http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/#comment-363 I realize that might've sounded glib, but I'm serious--folks who say "Look, this could result in my getting lesser healthcare, and I'd rather the people who don't have it just don't ever get it than get even a small downgrade or pay even a few cents more. That's their problem." I know these guys. My mouth drops open when I hear that, but unfortunately, I am not making this up (apologies Dave Barry). I realize that might've sounded glib, but I'm serious–folks who say "Look, this could result in my getting lesser healthcare, and I'd rather the people who don't have it just don't ever get it than get even a small downgrade or pay even a few cents more. That's their problem." I know these guys. My mouth drops open when I hear that, but unfortunately, I am not making this up (apologies Dave Barry).

]]> By: Shannon Montgomery http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/comment-page-1/#comment-362 Shannon Montgomery Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:19:00 +0000 http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/#comment-362 What do I do with the fact that I know quite a few heartless Republicans? What do I do with the fact that I know quite a few heartless Republicans?

]]> By: Patty McIntosh http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/comment-page-1/#comment-361 Patty McIntosh Wed, 03 Mar 2010 14:03:00 +0000 http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/#comment-361 As someone who has an enormous vested interest in "understanding the other side," I find this heartening...and am LOL-ing at my right-leaning beloved. First I make him want to read the NY Times, and now this agreeing with EJ Dionne? Bless your heart -- a man can only take so much, yes?Would you be interested in writing an occasional opinion piece for The Village Square? Liz is in desperate need of libertarian/right-leaning opinion there. As someone who has an enormous vested interest in "understanding the other side," I find this heartening…and am LOL-ing at my right-leaning beloved. First I make him want to read the NY Times, and now this agreeing with EJ Dionne? Bless your heart — a man can only take so much, yes?Would you be interested in writing an occasional opinion piece for The Village Square? Liz is in desperate need of libertarian/right-leaning opinion there.

]]> By: Scott Mize http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/comment-page-1/#comment-360 Scott Mize Wed, 03 Mar 2010 13:09:00 +0000 http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/#comment-360 (But his point about a 'fundamental divide' is accurate.) (But his point about a 'fundamental divide' is accurate.)

]]> By: Scott Mize http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/comment-page-1/#comment-359 Scott Mize Wed, 03 Mar 2010 13:07:00 +0000 http://mattjduffy.com/2010/03/understanding-the-other-side/#comment-359 I....agree....with.....E.J. Dionne.....unh <blinding headache> Then I read the article and he proceeds to spend three of the first six paragraphs bashing Republicans, one Democrat and the rich over the estate tax. </blinding headache>Aaah. Balance has been restored to the Force. Much better. I….agree….with…..E.J. Dionne…..unh <blinding headache> Then I read the article and he proceeds to spend three of the first six paragraphs bashing Republicans, one Democrat and the rich over the estate tax. </blinding headache>Aaah. Balance has been restored to the Force. Much better.

]]>