This just in:

A television commercial for Nabisco’s Fig Newton bars that debuted Friday preys on a wide range of innate human weaknesses, from greed and gluttony to the compulsive need for self-gratification in an otherwise cold and uncaring world, industry sources reported Monday.

“Flattery, pride, self-aggrandizement, fear of rejection: This latest Fig Newtons ad campaign fires on all cylinders,” advertising executive and CNBC talk-show host Donny Deutsch said. “It has nothing but contempt for its target audience, its exploitative nature borders on the unethical, and it’s one of the most brilliant marketing strategies in years.”